Category Archives: Clobber

10 (actually 11) really crap (outfield) football kits from the 90’s

Yes I know, it’s been done before by almost every blogger that mentions football or fashion in their blog, I realise what I’m doing is not new, it’s not original but screw it, I’ve had absolutely sod all to write about of late so I need a few buffer pieces to try and keep all 3 of my regular readers entertained for 30 seconds before they get bored of my inane moaning.

Anyway, the 90’s, the decade that saw the end of the Tory reign in Britain (until recent), the birth of the Premier League, Football Italia on Channel 4, being mega because you had a Berghaus coat on, boss Kickers Jumpers that you could show off in on Mufti day to name but a few brilliant things that happened in the 90’s. It wasn’t all great though. The Peter Johnson years at Everton, jarge Puma discs trainees, Adidas popper pants, Eclipse “Acid face smiley” tshirts, fashion in the 90’s was a bit jarge and it wasn’t just in the streets, it “graced” our football pitches. So without further here are 10 REALLY crap football kits from the 90’s

#10 – Stoke City’s 1992/3 Away Kit

The ECG on Acid kit

I can’t even….what is going on here? I’m thinking ECG graph on acid maybe? I know acid house was big in the early 90’s but this thing is just ridiculous.

#9 – Australian National team 1991 home Kit

Aloha!

I had a conversation with my Australian friend recently and she asked the question “Why don’t people ever seem to take us Aussies seriously?” and here is the answer. Look at it, just look at it, that’s not a football kit, it’s a friggen Hawaiian shirt or a costume from Scarface, absolutely ridiculous.

#8 – Chelsea away kit 1996/7

The broken television kit

Once upon a time Chelsea weren’t just a really shit club, they also had a really shit away kit. Combining a strange blend of orange with that grey static pattern that you get on your telly when it’s being a pain in the arse. Look what that static design has done to Ol’ Sparky’s bonce.

#7- Everton 92/93 Away Kit

It's "Salmon"

Urgh, I didn’t want to have to do this but my god me and almost every sensible Evertonian out there HATED this kit. The “salmon” (BOLLOCKS IT WAS PINK) and navy striped joke was only the beginning of crap away kits at EFC. We repeated the “Salmon” thing again in 2001 and then went and released that baby pink monstrosity last season as well. For the love of God Everton, STOP!!

#6 – Birmingham City Home 92/93

The 80's wallpaper look AND matching Shorts

Look it’s Paul Holmes, one of the worst players to wear an Everton shirt wearing one of the worst football kit’s ever designed. I’m sure this was the design my uncle had for his wallpaper when he was still living at home, and them shorts…brilliant, and to think this was a HOME kit as well HA!

#5-  Manchester Utd 95/96 away kit

Even Fergie hated this thing

Remember this bad boy? Even Sir Alex hated this barbaric sight for sore eyes. According to him this kit was solely responsible for Man Utd going down 3-0 at half time at The Dell in Southampton. I always remember Ol’ Whiskey nose himself saying that the players couldn’t see each other because the kit “blended” into the crowd and ordered the side to change to their alternative 3rd kit at half time. Not being funny but if anyone in the crowd was the same colour as this shirt I’d be worried about them and recommend they get to a doctor as soon as possible.

#4 – Liverpool away kit 96/97

Ec..what?

Now before any Reds come on here kicking off calling me “bitter” have a little look up to #7 before winging ok. Anyway, apparently this was “ecru” coloured whatever that is. To me this is what the aftermath of a school shirt looked like after ya ma gives up on trying to clean it cos you keept playing football in park after school in it. That or the head on a pint of Guiness. I always remember ripping my mate in school for wearing this for P.E, he still insists that it was the best away kit ever released to this day, he is still an idiot.

#3 Arsenal 91/92 Away kit

The Bruised banana

Yellow was the standard away colour for Arsenal for years and still remains their regular away colour, but this thing, good god, it’s awful. It just looks simply like a bruised banana and what was worse is they occasionally had to wear it with Yellow shorts too.

#2 Norwich 92/93 Home Kit

 

Canary Shit

This is what I imagine a yellow tshirt would look like after leaving it at the bottom of a bird cage for 24 hours. Ironic, that the Canaries would wear a shirt that looks like a canary has shit all over it, awful.

#1 Hull City 92/93 & 93/94 Home Kits.

They're not so GREEEATTT

A bit of a double whammy featuring the same club in consecutive years. I know Hull City’s nickname is the “The Tigers” but seriously, this thing just takes the complete piss. I’d like to think even the kids of Hull didn’t show up to school on a mufti dressed in this Tony the Tiger monstrosity, however they are from Hull and I have been wrong before. What’s worse is that the club didn’t learn their lesson from this utter joke and released this THING the following season –

Dean Windass doing his best Peter Stringfellow impression

 

So there you have 10 (well actually 11) really crap football kits from the 90’s. Sorry for putting your eyes through this gallery of monstrosities I will try and get back to doing “normal” writing as soon as something worthwhile comes along to write about.

If by now you haven’t had the urge to rip your retinas out with a blunt object then please feel free to “Google” any of the following crap kits from the 90’s, in the list below, that unfortunately never made the cut this time. Who know’s there may be a Crap Kit #2 in the near future, with the lack of “proper” subject matter to discuss at the moment that may be sooner rather than later, I hope not though.

Other crap kits –

*Aston Villas “green and black stripe thing” away kit 1993-95

*Man Utd’s “Blue snowflake thing” away kit 1991-92

*Brighton & Hove Albions “Red and white roadkill” away kit 1991-92

*Leeds Utd “Streaky blue, yellowy green thing” 3rd kit 1991/92

*Kansas City Wizards “Gay rainbow” 1997/98 Home kit

*Liverpool’s “Snot green” 1991-93 away kit

*Shimuzu S-Plus “Orange thing” 1992-94 Home kit

*Blackpool’s “Wacky Blue Argyle thing” 1997-98 Away kit

Big thanks to Diz Wright and Kris Baughan for their “crap kit” contributions on Facebook, Nice one lads. Any other suggestions? Chuck them my way.

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Ale Trail #1/Birthday & Pre Match Build Up: Chelsea (Carling Cup)

So a triple header Blog update rather than a further three separete blog updates on three different days like I promised I’d try and avoid as that’s what makes blogging stagnant and repetative, so here it goes.

ALE TRAIL #1

A regular feature what will be occurring in my blog is a little feature I like to call ALE TRAIL. Like most pretentious meffs I like to consider myself a bit of an elitist when it comes to drinking ale, which is a bit weird considering just 3 years ago I was still Straight Edge (HA!). All kidding aside though I do appreciate a good Real Ale when I find one so I figured it would make a decent topic to include in this here blog, so without further delay. My first entry for the “ALE TRAIL” is a newly introduced bitter into my local boozer I’ve found myself drinking and enjoying called “Daniel’s Hammer”

Unfortunately, my local, The Saughall, as much as I love the place, is not exactly the best of pubs for the Ale Enthusiast or CAMRA member, mainly due to the fact it’s more of a modern eatery pub than a traditionalist pub and is licensed under the brewery company Thwaites. Needless to say every now and again we do get a good guest or new regular ale come in on tap that doesn’t disappoint. “Daniel’s Hammer” is the newest ale to come into The Saughall and despite it’s slightly homo-erotic title I have to say is a damn good pint. Described as a “strong pale golden ale with a delicate malty palate and well balanced zesty hop character” this ale is full of body with a good pale colour, not too dry and is actually surprisingly refreshing for a pale ale and pretty strong as well at 5% despite the fact it actually tastes pretty light and doesn’t feel to heavy on the stomach.

It’s a pint that doesn’t leave behind that bitter aftertaste that some ales do and is definitely one of them ales you can at least sup more than one pint of. Granted, it’s not the best pint I’ve ever had neither but it’s one that I’ll happily choose over a pint of Fosters or Carling anyday. Recommended.

BIRTHDAY

So today was my 25th birthday and rather than sit here and moan about “oh mann I’m getting old etc etc.” I’m actually quite chuffed about turning 25. It’s a big year for me this year as it’s the final year of being technically classed as “single” by the time my next birthday comes around I’ll be married, pretty exciting stuff.

As for my day today I’ve spent it relaxing with my family and my missus who bought me a smart Northern Boys Club tshirt (pictured below) and Bulgari aftershave. My plan for tonight after finishing this is head back to the Saughall with the missus for the pub quiz. Sound.

PRE MATCH BUILD UP: CHELSEA AT GOODISON (CARLING CUP)

"In Soviet Russia, football plays you"

Everton enter into the 4th round of the Carling Cup tomorrow evening against what can only be described as a deflated Chelsea team. I say deflated mainly because the Cockney rent boys will be without Drogba (thank Christ), Ashley Cole and Bosingwa who all received cards and marching orders in, what can only be described as the most hilarious game of football I have ever watched, Sunday’s defeat to local rivals QPR at Loftus Road, but let’s be honest, it’s Chelsea, even without them 3 they’re hardly shit.

Players like Juan Mata, Ladyboy Torres (if he is no longer suspended I’ll have to check), Anelka, Fat Frank and Adolph Terry are all available for the rent boys tomorrow and will no doubt be out to try and bounce back from their derby day defeat on Sunday. However, despite the recent League defeat to this lot at The Bridge, our record against Chelsea isn’t all that bad, especially at Goodison. We have managed to beat them twice at Goodison in 3 years and once in the FA Cup away last season, as well as countless amount of draws, then again though these bastards have a way of crushing us at the final hurdles in the past, i.e 2009 FA Cup Final and 2008 League Cup Semi-Final.

As for Everton, it’s a mixed season so far. Some crap performances leading to crap results and some crap performances leading to scrappy last minute wins, like that at the weekend against Fulham at Craven Cottage, mixed with drama off the pitch and lack of money, which I won’t get into right now but probably will in the nearby future. All in all making it a bit of a headache so far, however the weekends result against Fulham gave me a glimmer of hope, despite us not actually playing that well, the squad and tactics looked more positive and players like Vellios and Drenthe were given starts which, as we all saw, lead to Drenthe’s AMAZING goal. For me it’s important for us to play positive and really go at Chelsea tomorrow and maybe stick to the squad we started with on Sunday (except maybe put Saha back in from Vellios) because, let’s be honest,despite the Carling Cup loosing it’s reputation as a big trophy over the years, in my eye, it still is and it’s probably one of the only chances we’re going to get on putting our hands on silverware at the current rate so needless to say it’s an important game and a big chance tomorrow. I just hope, for the love of Christ, the players realise this and go at Chelsea. If they do I’m going with a simple 1-0 and that goalscorer to be….oh christ knows, let’s say Bainesy, yeh Leighton Baines Freekick, why not?

So yeh, looking forward to this one, I’ll be in attendance with my good mate Al Bentley thanks to my little sister getting me a ticket for my birthday and no doubt will be supping a few pre-match pints on County Roads finest establishments. So until then, Come On You Blues.

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Filed under 2011/12, Ale Trail, Clobber, Cup Football, Everton, General, Pre-Match Build Up