Yes I know, it’s been done before by almost every blogger that mentions football or fashion in their blog, I realise what I’m doing is not new, it’s not original but screw it, I’ve had absolutely sod all to write about of late so I need a few buffer pieces to try and keep all 3 of my regular readers entertained for 30 seconds before they get bored of my inane moaning.
Anyway, the 90’s, the decade that saw the end of the Tory reign in Britain (until recent), the birth of the Premier League, Football Italia on Channel 4, being mega because you had a Berghaus coat on, boss Kickers Jumpers that you could show off in on Mufti day to name but a few brilliant things that happened in the 90’s. It wasn’t all great though. The Peter Johnson years at Everton, jarge Puma discs trainees, Adidas popper pants, Eclipse “Acid face smiley” tshirts, fashion in the 90’s was a bit jarge and it wasn’t just in the streets, it “graced” our football pitches. So without further here are 10 REALLY crap football kits from the 90’s
#10 – Stoke City’s 1992/3 Away Kit
The ECG on Acid kit
I can’t even….what is going on here? I’m thinking ECG graph on acid maybe? I know acid house was big in the early 90’s but this thing is just ridiculous.
#9 – Australian National team 1991 home Kit
I had a conversation with my Australian friend recently and she asked the question “Why don’t people ever seem to take us Aussies seriously?” and here is the answer. Look at it, just look at it, that’s not a football kit, it’s a friggen Hawaiian shirt or a costume from Scarface, absolutely ridiculous.
#8 – Chelsea away kit 1996/7
The broken television kit
Once upon a time Chelsea weren’t just a really shit club, they also had a really shit away kit. Combining a strange blend of orange with that grey static pattern that you get on your telly when it’s being a pain in the arse. Look what that static design has done to Ol’ Sparky’s bonce.
#7- Everton 92/93 Away Kit
Urgh, I didn’t want to have to do this but my god me and almost every sensible Evertonian out there HATED this kit. The “salmon” (BOLLOCKS IT WAS PINK) and navy striped joke was only the beginning of crap away kits at EFC. We repeated the “Salmon” thing again in 2001 and then went and released that baby pink monstrosity last season as well. For the love of God Everton, STOP!!
#6 – Birmingham City Home 92/93
The 80's wallpaper look AND matching Shorts
Look it’s Paul Holmes, one of the worst players to wear an Everton shirt wearing one of the worst football kit’s ever designed. I’m sure this was the design my uncle had for his wallpaper when he was still living at home, and them shorts…brilliant, and to think this was a HOME kit as well HA!
#5- Manchester Utd 95/96 away kit
Even Fergie hated this thing
Remember this bad boy? Even Sir Alex hated this barbaric sight for sore eyes. According to him this kit was solely responsible for Man Utd going down 3-0 at half time at The Dell in Southampton. I always remember Ol’ Whiskey nose himself saying that the players couldn’t see each other because the kit “blended” into the crowd and ordered the side to change to their alternative 3rd kit at half time. Not being funny but if anyone in the crowd was the same colour as this shirt I’d be worried about them and recommend they get to a doctor as soon as possible.
#4 – Liverpool away kit 96/97
Now before any Reds come on here kicking off calling me “bitter” have a little look up to #7 before winging ok. Anyway, apparently this was “ecru” coloured whatever that is. To me this is what the aftermath of a school shirt looked like after ya ma gives up on trying to clean it cos you keept playing football in park after school in it. That or the head on a pint of Guiness. I always remember ripping my mate in school for wearing this for P.E, he still insists that it was the best away kit ever released to this day, he is still an idiot.
#3 Arsenal 91/92 Away kit
The Bruised banana
Yellow was the standard away colour for Arsenal for years and still remains their regular away colour, but this thing, good god, it’s awful. It just looks simply like a bruised banana and what was worse is they occasionally had to wear it with Yellow shorts too.
#2 Norwich 92/93 Home Kit
This is what I imagine a yellow tshirt would look like after leaving it at the bottom of a bird cage for 24 hours. Ironic, that the Canaries would wear a shirt that looks like a canary has shit all over it, awful.
#1 Hull City 92/93 & 93/94 Home Kits.
They're not so GREEEATTT
A bit of a double whammy featuring the same club in consecutive years. I know Hull City’s nickname is the “The Tigers” but seriously, this thing just takes the complete piss. I’d like to think even the kids of Hull didn’t show up to school on a mufti dressed in this Tony the Tiger monstrosity, however they are from Hull and I have been wrong before. What’s worse is that the club didn’t learn their lesson from this utter joke and released this THING the following season –
Dean Windass doing his best Peter Stringfellow impression
So there you have 10 (well actually 11) really crap football kits from the 90’s. Sorry for putting your eyes through this gallery of monstrosities I will try and get back to doing “normal” writing as soon as something worthwhile comes along to write about.
If by now you haven’t had the urge to rip your retinas out with a blunt object then please feel free to “Google” any of the following crap kits from the 90’s, in the list below, that unfortunately never made the cut this time. Who know’s there may be a Crap Kit #2 in the near future, with the lack of “proper” subject matter to discuss at the moment that may be sooner rather than later, I hope not though.
Other crap kits –
*Aston Villas “green and black stripe thing” away kit 1993-95
*Man Utd’s “Blue snowflake thing” away kit 1991-92
*Brighton & Hove Albions “Red and white roadkill” away kit 1991-92
*Leeds Utd “Streaky blue, yellowy green thing” 3rd kit 1991/92
*Kansas City Wizards “Gay rainbow” 1997/98 Home kit
*Liverpool’s “Snot green” 1991-93 away kit
*Shimuzu S-Plus “Orange thing” 1992-94 Home kit
*Blackpool’s “Wacky Blue Argyle thing” 1997-98 Away kit
Big thanks to Diz Wright and Kris Baughan for their “crap kit” contributions on Facebook, Nice one lads. Any other suggestions? Chuck them my way.