10 (actually 11) really crap (outfield) football kits from the 90’s

Yes I know, it’s been done before by almost every blogger that mentions football or fashion in their blog, I realise what I’m doing is not new, it’s not original but screw it, I’ve had absolutely sod all to write about of late so I need a few buffer pieces to try and keep all 3 of my regular readers entertained for 30 seconds before they get bored of my inane moaning.

Anyway, the 90’s, the decade that saw the end of the Tory reign in Britain (until recent), the birth of the Premier League, Football Italia on Channel 4, being mega because you had a Berghaus coat on, boss Kickers Jumpers that you could show off in on Mufti day to name but a few brilliant things that happened in the 90’s. It wasn’t all great though. The Peter Johnson years at Everton, jarge Puma discs trainees, Adidas popper pants, Eclipse “Acid face smiley” tshirts, fashion in the 90’s was a bit jarge and it wasn’t just in the streets, it “graced” our football pitches. So without further here are 10 REALLY crap football kits from the 90’s

#10 – Stoke City’s 1992/3 Away Kit

The ECG on Acid kit

I can’t even….what is going on here? I’m thinking ECG graph on acid maybe? I know acid house was big in the early 90’s but this thing is just ridiculous.

#9 – Australian National team 1991 home Kit

Aloha!

I had a conversation with my Australian friend recently and she asked the question “Why don’t people ever seem to take us Aussies seriously?” and here is the answer. Look at it, just look at it, that’s not a football kit, it’s a friggen Hawaiian shirt or a costume from Scarface, absolutely ridiculous.

#8 – Chelsea away kit 1996/7

The broken television kit

Once upon a time Chelsea weren’t just a really shit club, they also had a really shit away kit. Combining a strange blend of orange with that grey static pattern that you get on your telly when it’s being a pain in the arse. Look what that static design has done to Ol’ Sparky’s bonce.

#7- Everton 92/93 Away Kit

It's "Salmon"

Urgh, I didn’t want to have to do this but my god me and almost every sensible Evertonian out there HATED this kit. The “salmon” (BOLLOCKS IT WAS PINK) and navy striped joke was only the beginning of crap away kits at EFC. We repeated the “Salmon” thing again in 2001 and then went and released that baby pink monstrosity last season as well. For the love of God Everton, STOP!!

#6 – Birmingham City Home 92/93

The 80's wallpaper look AND matching Shorts

Look it’s Paul Holmes, one of the worst players to wear an Everton shirt wearing one of the worst football kit’s ever designed. I’m sure this was the design my uncle had for his wallpaper when he was still living at home, and them shorts…brilliant, and to think this was a HOME kit as well HA!

#5-  Manchester Utd 95/96 away kit

Even Fergie hated this thing

Remember this bad boy? Even Sir Alex hated this barbaric sight for sore eyes. According to him this kit was solely responsible for Man Utd going down 3-0 at half time at The Dell in Southampton. I always remember Ol’ Whiskey nose himself saying that the players couldn’t see each other because the kit “blended” into the crowd and ordered the side to change to their alternative 3rd kit at half time. Not being funny but if anyone in the crowd was the same colour as this shirt I’d be worried about them and recommend they get to a doctor as soon as possible.

#4 – Liverpool away kit 96/97

Ec..what?

Now before any Reds come on here kicking off calling me “bitter” have a little look up to #7 before winging ok. Anyway, apparently this was “ecru” coloured whatever that is. To me this is what the aftermath of a school shirt looked like after ya ma gives up on trying to clean it cos you keept playing football in park after school in it. That or the head on a pint of Guiness. I always remember ripping my mate in school for wearing this for P.E, he still insists that it was the best away kit ever released to this day, he is still an idiot.

#3 Arsenal 91/92 Away kit

The Bruised banana

Yellow was the standard away colour for Arsenal for years and still remains their regular away colour, but this thing, good god, it’s awful. It just looks simply like a bruised banana and what was worse is they occasionally had to wear it with Yellow shorts too.

#2 Norwich 92/93 Home Kit

 

Canary Shit

This is what I imagine a yellow tshirt would look like after leaving it at the bottom of a bird cage for 24 hours. Ironic, that the Canaries would wear a shirt that looks like a canary has shit all over it, awful.

#1 Hull City 92/93 & 93/94 Home Kits.

They're not so GREEEATTT

A bit of a double whammy featuring the same club in consecutive years. I know Hull City’s nickname is the “The Tigers” but seriously, this thing just takes the complete piss. I’d like to think even the kids of Hull didn’t show up to school on a mufti dressed in this Tony the Tiger monstrosity, however they are from Hull and I have been wrong before. What’s worse is that the club didn’t learn their lesson from this utter joke and released this THING the following season –

Dean Windass doing his best Peter Stringfellow impression

 

So there you have 10 (well actually 11) really crap football kits from the 90’s. Sorry for putting your eyes through this gallery of monstrosities I will try and get back to doing “normal” writing as soon as something worthwhile comes along to write about.

If by now you haven’t had the urge to rip your retinas out with a blunt object then please feel free to “Google” any of the following crap kits from the 90’s, in the list below, that unfortunately never made the cut this time. Who know’s there may be a Crap Kit #2 in the near future, with the lack of “proper” subject matter to discuss at the moment that may be sooner rather than later, I hope not though.

Other crap kits –

*Aston Villas “green and black stripe thing” away kit 1993-95

*Man Utd’s “Blue snowflake thing” away kit 1991-92

*Brighton & Hove Albions “Red and white roadkill” away kit 1991-92

*Leeds Utd “Streaky blue, yellowy green thing” 3rd kit 1991/92

*Kansas City Wizards “Gay rainbow” 1997/98 Home kit

*Liverpool’s “Snot green” 1991-93 away kit

*Shimuzu S-Plus “Orange thing” 1992-94 Home kit

*Blackpool’s “Wacky Blue Argyle thing” 1997-98 Away kit

Big thanks to Diz Wright and Kris Baughan for their “crap kit” contributions on Facebook, Nice one lads. Any other suggestions? Chuck them my way.

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R.I.P Ralph McQuarrie

It is with deep sadness that I have to write about the recent passing of Ralph McQuarrie who passed away on Saturday evening just gone at the age of 82. For those who aren’t aware of Ralph’s work he was the man behind the artwork of Star Wars, ET and many others. His work included the artistic designs of C3PO, R2D2 and of course, Darth Vader, you could say, with every pun intended, he truly was the man behind the mask.

I have absolutely no shame in admitting how much of a massive Star Wars fan I am, I was exposed to the Trilogy at the impressionable age of 5 years old and 20 years on to this day, despite Lucas’ consistent attempts to spoil the franchise I love, I am still as big a fanboy as I was back then. It would be fair to say that Ralph may not have been on Hollywood’s celebrity “A-List” but I believe that without his contribution and his fantastic artwork the Star Wars franchise may have turned out a hell of a lot different, most likely nowhere near as good as it was.

R.I.P Ralph McQuarrie and May the Force be with you.

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Everton’s “The Double” Season 85 Archive Footage

Despite supporting my beloved Blues for almost 21 years now I’ve unfortunately never seen any great glory come to Goodison in my life time. A fantastic FA Cup win followed by Charity Shield win in 95 is the best I’ve seen, not bad granted, but without doubt Everton’s finest years were unfortunately before my time and without any question one of, if not the greatest season was that of Everton’s 1984/85 “Double” Season. The year before I was born Everton managed to win both the league and the European Cup Winners Cup as well as making it to the FA Cup final which unfortunately slipped away from us when a Norman Whiteside goal secured the cup for Man Utd that season.

Despite seeing plenty of footage of the great “double” season in the past somebody has finally put together a huge compilation of archive footage from most of Everton’s wins and goals from that famous season which include footage from the famous 5-0 drubbing of Utd at Goodison, THAT goal from Sharpy, the Bayern Munich semi final and the Rapid Vienna final as well as some of the less known/documented wins from the Blues that season. My friend Ped from Followtonians put this up on Facebook the other day so I felt I’d share with any fellow Blues who read this blog. SO sit back, relax, reminisce and remember it wasn’t all doom and gloom once.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not own the copyright of these videos, I am simply sharing them, they will be removed at request of copyright owner ONLY via email.

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Ciao Fabio

So Fabio has upped and legged it and England are manager less. Bookies are putting The Gungan King (Google it) Hawwy as the favourite, personally I don’t see why we don’t get this guy….

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Recent Reads #3 & 4 – The Green Soccer Journal & The ‘End’ Book

Despite being actually busy for a change in the last few weeks I’ve managed to find a bit of time to pick up, sit down and read through a few recent “zine” and book pickups so without further ado…

RR#3 – The Green Soccer Journal – Issue 3

I was first introduced to The Green Soccer Journal last year after they released Issue One. After skimming through a friends copy of the first issue I instantly took a liking to the magazine, unfortunately by the time I discovered it the first issue was long sold out so I knew I could not miss out on issue Two and I was glad I managed to grab it. For those who have never read TGSJ it is accurately described as a “Independent style journal, exploring the world of football.” Released quaterly, it is a brilliantly put together and well presented magazine blending the world of men’s fashion, mainly that seen worn by the average fashion conscious “chap on the terrace”, combined with fantastically clever and very articulate articles about the world of football. It covers everything from interviews with ex/current professionals of the game, supporters groups, professional pundits and even grass routes football.

One thing that makes the magazine just a tad bit extra special is that there is a particular running theme throughout each issue of the magazine. For example, in issue 2, despite the interview with Sky Sports, rather “tasty”, pundit Hayley McQueen, a superbly written “tug on heartstrings” article about Ronaldo (the Brazilian one) and an article on Bosnian “Ultras” the general running theme of the issue was that of French football covering interviews with the likes of Patrick Viera, a look at France’s new away strip and around French Football Federations Clairfontaine training facilities.

Issue Three was released recently and the theme for the newest issue is one that plays close to my heart, The Goalkeepers Issue. As a former goalkeeper myself I’ve always related to the poor sod that has to stand between the sticks for 90 minutes in the freezing cold weather and having to pick the ball out the net on a bad day (or that just might have been me). Needless to say it didn’t let me down. Several brilliant interviews with Everton’s first choice American keeper Tim Howard, American Samoa international keeper Nicky Salapu (aka the man who has conceded more goals in one professional game, 31 vs Australia, than any other), former Arsenal legend and Tv pundit Bob Wilson OBE, Italian goalkeeping legend Gianluigi Buffon, as well as a photo set recreating some of the greatest saves in Premier League history using solely the goalkeeper kit used on the day, to mention just a few. However, this issue was a little bit, how do I put it? X-rated? Yeh that would probably be the best way to put it. I was kind of taken back upon reading an article about former NY Cosmos keeper Shep Messing. A goalkeeper more famous for his partying life style and his once pornographic exploits in a woman’s erotic magazine in 1974 than his goalkeeping talents. Needless to say the pictures featured in said magazine, well they also feature in this. So as you can imagine I was kind of taken back sat in the pub reading this only to stumble across pictures of Shep’s bits and bobs just freely dangling out, however all was forgiven when a superb photoset featuring a female streaker graced the centrefold pages, kind of in the same fashion of a retro issue of Playboy.

So another fully enjoyable read from the lads at TGSJ, one that I would definitely reccomend. I know locally it can be picked up in Weavers Door in Liverpool but for those of you not local it can still be picked up from their website HERE. It may not be the cheapest of magazines (£8) however, at least in my eyes, it’s money well spent for a brilliant magazine. You can also follow the magazine via the usual medium of TWITTER

RR#4 – The End Book

I feel daft that I’m only just getting round to doing a write up on this. The truth is I only managed to get hold of a copy last week, I was hoping to pick this up back at Christmas just gone but as that was to no avail I’m just getting round to it now and my word it has been worth the wait. I don’t think I really need to discuss the in’s and out’s (no pun intended) of The End to anyone, as most people who are reading this are fully aware of how important it’s precense was in Liverpool during the 80’s. Personally, I only became aware of the world of The End about 3 years ago as, and I’ll be honest here, I wasn’t around to experience it at it’s peak and it’s been one of Liverpool’s best kept secrets for a while. I was only exposed to it via a kind chap who I used to speak to on a forum a few years back. At the time I was trying to get my hand on some old back copies of the Everton fanzine “When Skies are Grey” when the chap in question kindly scanned a few old copies of the Everton zine along with a few original copies of The End and sent them through to me via PDF format, instantly I was hooked and started researching.

Over the last few years there has been talk of the legendary Scouse mag making a return or the possibility of a repress of the old copies, however it was only last year that, finally, the lads behind the mag along with the folks over at Sabotage Times finally got together and made the talk a reality via this very smart, well presented book that contains all 20 issues of the brilliant mag that made it’s way around the terraces of most of the 80’s football grounds. The book certainly does not disappoint whatsoever, chocked full of Scouse humour, articles on the love of beer, trabs, music and football (the very stuff of life itself), the famous In’s & Out’s lists, humorous poetry and letters from some of the countries less savoury football supporters, interviews with some celeb types of the time like Billy Bragg, Alan Bleasdale, Billy Butler and the late John Peel as well countless cartoons depicting the Liverpool life under the gun of Thatcher and her gang of cronies.

It goes without saying that the brainchild of Peter Hooton (who went on to sing in Liverpool band The Farm), Phil Jones and Mick Potter (as well as the countless lads that contributed) is something of legend in the city of Liverpool. A magazine aimed originally for selling to the average young “scally” on the terraces of Goodison and Anfield, it went onto create a storm throughout the rest of the terraces in England and helped set a trend for hundreds of “zines” that spawned from the ashes of it, so much so that even now a lot of newer zines have certainly been influenced by the once great The End.  It would be also fair to say that The End has become a piece of Liverpool history as last year several original copies were given to the newly opened Museum of Liverpool in the Pier Head and can be found in the football section next to other great pieces of Everton and Liverpool memorabilia.

Anyone trying to get hold of original copies of the mag will have a job doing so even if this gem does manage to make it onto Ebay you will find yourself paying an arm and a leg for it, so I would recommend saving yourself a few bob and getting the book for a measly £20. However, I must say that if you are planning to grab a copy get it done soon, as when I went to pick it up in Waterstones in Liverpool last week there were very few copies left. As far as I’m aware, and I may be wrong here, the two Waterstones in Liverpool are the only place to get hold of it in a shop, however there may still be copies left on Sabotage Times website, so go and have a look and grab it now, ya mingebag.

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Followtonians on tour

It’s a rarity to have as busier week as I have this week and although it has seemed somewhat chaotic and non-stop it has been nothing short of one the most amazing weeks I’ve had in a long time.

This week my friend Eric Howell and his wife Tracie came over for their first visit to Liverpool all the way from Kansas, USA. I first spoke to Eric through the world of that Twitter lark roughly about two years ago, his love for Everton yet being isolated over 3000 miles away from his spiritual home of Goodison drove him to try and start up a podcast about the club he loved. After a few weeks of working on a plan and despite being separated by 3000 miles Eric and Goodsion Park regular Ped managed to record the first episode of “FOLLOWTONIANS.” A year and a half later the podcast is still going strong, and despite not being a regular contributor to the show myself I have remained good friends with the lads behind the show, staying in touch with Eric via all forms of social media and recently getting to a few matches with Ped and his family. As this was Eric’s first trip over to Liverpool, needless to say we have been helping him plan to make the trip quite a special one.

The Howells arrived in Liverpool on Tuesday just gone and despite having to rearrange flights and make 2 separate connections they made it over for their first game at Goodison against league leaders Man City, and what a first game it was. I wasn’t at the match myself unfortunately but from what I’ve been told Eric was like a kid who just downed a 2 litre bottle of Coke and a massive bag of Jelly beans before opening his presents on Christmas morning and who can blame him, travel thousands of miles for your first game and Everton beat league leaders City 1-0 with a bracing shot from new boy Darren Gibson, followed shortly by the boss news we had actually SIGNED a player, Nikica Jelavic from Rangers, and the re-arrival of former Everton man Steven Pienaar who despite leaving under not so great circumstances has had a torrid time at Spurs and has been welcomed back at Goodison, what a way to start your holiday.

Wednesday saw myself and Eric and our other halves Tracie and Kirsty head into the City of Chester for a “classy” pub dinner (Sorry, Eric haha) followed by a nice stroll around Chester’s famous Roman Walls and despite having murder with my bank in the morning (again, sorry Eric) it was quite a nice pleasant day spent finally spending time with a friend who I’ve spoken to a million times but never actually physically met until then.

Thursday was one of the big days we were all looking forward to. A LIVE! recording of Followtonians at Walkabouts in Liverpool. The recording was attended by a good sized group of Evertonians as well as BBC Radio Merseyside’s Football pundit Alan Jackson who has on several occasions helped to “plug” the podcast on his show. A superb night was had by all, loads of drink was flowing, putting faces to fellow Everton “tweeters”, plenty of jokes and “banter” (I HATE that word), an Everton quiz with Free £5 bet slips up for grabs and just a generally great atmosphere made it a terrific night.

It was Saturday that was the icing on top of the cake for all of us. An away day down the East Lancs Road to Wigan, anyone who knows me knows that an ACTUAL away trip is a rarity for me these days, so even if it was just Wigan this was going to be a special one. The day started with a group of 7 of us including Eric, Ped and I as well as Ped’s sister Jayne, brother law Paddy and young nephew Aidan and another American chap called Nick, who is currently on leave from the US Airforce based out near Kaiserslautern in Germany, heading for a massive breakfast in some greasy spoon in West Derby near Melwood. After we all ploughed down our huge portions of bacon, eggs, sausage, black pudding and the rest we headed on the short 18 mile journey to Wigan for an afternoon of booze, Everton and more booze.

Anyone who has been to Wigan will know it’s a great away day, especially if your one of the more “local” teams i.e Everton, Liverpool, United, City etc etc. It’s a ground where the home support isn’t exactly great so thereby away fans are allocated an entire stand, in other words Wigan was invaded by 4,250 Evertonians who, through conquering the snow and sleet, were all thirsty for beer and hungry for three points. Although the thirst was quenched, ALOT, the three points evaded us after a clumsy Tim Howard mistake saw Wigan lead 1-0 only for “super sub” Anichebe to seal the equaliser. Despite the crap result, poor quality of football, the freezing weather conditions, the “incident” on the concourse at half time (which I will go into in a separate post) we didn’t allow our spirits to be dampened as we headed back to Wigan’s Red Robin pub which was well and truly taken over by Everton fans on the day for more beer and laughs. All in all a great day out at Wigan with a great bunch of people and a great opportunity to once again put faces to “Twitter handles” of many Blues I’ve spoken to a million times but never had the chance to meet.

The week was topped off nicely on Saturday night with a massive group of 12 of us headed back into Liverpool for a few more drinks in the Slaughter House followed by a cracking meal at “The Restaurant” Bar & Grill in Exchange Street, Liverpool. Needless to say by the end of it all I was slightly steaming drunk, sod it, I admit I was shit faced, but it was worth it. A terrific week had with friends regular and new and I hope it won’t be too long until we get to see Eric and Tracie back on our shores again.

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Filed under 2011/12, Away Day, Everton, Uncategorized

Stone Island’s 30th Anniversary

Haven’t been writing a lot recently I’ve been busy, the next weeks are going to be even busier. I have an American friend travelling over next week and will be heading to the shambles that is Everton Football Club play away at Wigan’s ever “atmospheric”, yeh right, DW Stadium in a fortnight as well planning my wedding which is just 197 days away, CHRIST. I will try and get some writing done between now and then so try and bare with me as I try and juggle job interviews, weddings plans and attempting to maintain a slightly active social life.

For now watch this video, it’s a brilliant sneak peak of whats upcoming with Stone Island as they celebrate 30 years since the late great Massimo Osti first began designing the famous jackets. I know a lot of meffs tend to get seen Stone Island clobber these days, but anyone with an appreciation for a well designed jacket and a smart bit of clobber, well this video is right up your alley, enjoy and try and remain patient with me.

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