Tag Archives: Chelsea

10 (actually 11) really crap (outfield) football kits from the 90’s

Yes I know, it’s been done before by almost every blogger that mentions football or fashion in their blog, I realise what I’m doing is not new, it’s not original but screw it, I’ve had absolutely sod all to write about of late so I need a few buffer pieces to try and keep all 3 of my regular readers entertained for 30 seconds before they get bored of my inane moaning.

Anyway, the 90’s, the decade that saw the end of the Tory reign in Britain (until recent), the birth of the Premier League, Football Italia on Channel 4, being mega because you had a Berghaus coat on, boss Kickers Jumpers that you could show off in on Mufti day to name but a few brilliant things that happened in the 90’s. It wasn’t all great though. The Peter Johnson years at Everton, jarge Puma discs trainees, Adidas popper pants, Eclipse “Acid face smiley” tshirts, fashion in the 90’s was a bit jarge and it wasn’t just in the streets, it “graced” our football pitches. So without further here are 10 REALLY crap football kits from the 90’s

#10 – Stoke City’s 1992/3 Away Kit

The ECG on Acid kit

I can’t even….what is going on here? I’m thinking ECG graph on acid maybe? I know acid house was big in the early 90’s but this thing is just ridiculous.

#9 – Australian National team 1991 home Kit

Aloha!

I had a conversation with my Australian friend recently and she asked the question “Why don’t people ever seem to take us Aussies seriously?” and here is the answer. Look at it, just look at it, that’s not a football kit, it’s a friggen Hawaiian shirt or a costume from Scarface, absolutely ridiculous.

#8 – Chelsea away kit 1996/7

The broken television kit

Once upon a time Chelsea weren’t just a really shit club, they also had a really shit away kit. Combining a strange blend of orange with that grey static pattern that you get on your telly when it’s being a pain in the arse. Look what that static design has done to Ol’ Sparky’s bonce.

#7- Everton 92/93 Away Kit

It's "Salmon"

Urgh, I didn’t want to have to do this but my god me and almost every sensible Evertonian out there HATED this kit. The “salmon” (BOLLOCKS IT WAS PINK) and navy striped joke was only the beginning of crap away kits at EFC. We repeated the “Salmon” thing again in 2001 and then went and released that baby pink monstrosity last season as well. For the love of God Everton, STOP!!

#6 – Birmingham City Home 92/93

The 80's wallpaper look AND matching Shorts

Look it’s Paul Holmes, one of the worst players to wear an Everton shirt wearing one of the worst football kit’s ever designed. I’m sure this was the design my uncle had for his wallpaper when he was still living at home, and them shorts…brilliant, and to think this was a HOME kit as well HA!

#5-  Manchester Utd 95/96 away kit

Even Fergie hated this thing

Remember this bad boy? Even Sir Alex hated this barbaric sight for sore eyes. According to him this kit was solely responsible for Man Utd going down 3-0 at half time at The Dell in Southampton. I always remember Ol’ Whiskey nose himself saying that the players couldn’t see each other because the kit “blended” into the crowd and ordered the side to change to their alternative 3rd kit at half time. Not being funny but if anyone in the crowd was the same colour as this shirt I’d be worried about them and recommend they get to a doctor as soon as possible.

#4 – Liverpool away kit 96/97

Ec..what?

Now before any Reds come on here kicking off calling me “bitter” have a little look up to #7 before winging ok. Anyway, apparently this was “ecru” coloured whatever that is. To me this is what the aftermath of a school shirt looked like after ya ma gives up on trying to clean it cos you keept playing football in park after school in it. That or the head on a pint of Guiness. I always remember ripping my mate in school for wearing this for P.E, he still insists that it was the best away kit ever released to this day, he is still an idiot.

#3 Arsenal 91/92 Away kit

The Bruised banana

Yellow was the standard away colour for Arsenal for years and still remains their regular away colour, but this thing, good god, it’s awful. It just looks simply like a bruised banana and what was worse is they occasionally had to wear it with Yellow shorts too.

#2 Norwich 92/93 Home Kit

 

Canary Shit

This is what I imagine a yellow tshirt would look like after leaving it at the bottom of a bird cage for 24 hours. Ironic, that the Canaries would wear a shirt that looks like a canary has shit all over it, awful.

#1 Hull City 92/93 & 93/94 Home Kits.

They're not so GREEEATTT

A bit of a double whammy featuring the same club in consecutive years. I know Hull City’s nickname is the “The Tigers” but seriously, this thing just takes the complete piss. I’d like to think even the kids of Hull didn’t show up to school on a mufti dressed in this Tony the Tiger monstrosity, however they are from Hull and I have been wrong before. What’s worse is that the club didn’t learn their lesson from this utter joke and released this THING the following season –

Dean Windass doing his best Peter Stringfellow impression

 

So there you have 10 (well actually 11) really crap football kits from the 90’s. Sorry for putting your eyes through this gallery of monstrosities I will try and get back to doing “normal” writing as soon as something worthwhile comes along to write about.

If by now you haven’t had the urge to rip your retinas out with a blunt object then please feel free to “Google” any of the following crap kits from the 90’s, in the list below, that unfortunately never made the cut this time. Who know’s there may be a Crap Kit #2 in the near future, with the lack of “proper” subject matter to discuss at the moment that may be sooner rather than later, I hope not though.

Other crap kits –

*Aston Villas “green and black stripe thing” away kit 1993-95

*Man Utd’s “Blue snowflake thing” away kit 1991-92

*Brighton & Hove Albions “Red and white roadkill” away kit 1991-92

*Leeds Utd “Streaky blue, yellowy green thing” 3rd kit 1991/92

*Kansas City Wizards “Gay rainbow” 1997/98 Home kit

*Liverpool’s “Snot green” 1991-93 away kit

*Shimuzu S-Plus “Orange thing” 1992-94 Home kit

*Blackpool’s “Wacky Blue Argyle thing” 1997-98 Away kit

Big thanks to Diz Wright and Kris Baughan for their “crap kit” contributions on Facebook, Nice one lads. Any other suggestions? Chuck them my way.

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Filed under Clobber, General

Everton 1 – 2 Chelsea

Row M Seat 107, My seat for the night (for the first half anyway)

It was not that long ago that going to a night game at Everton was really really special to all Evertonians. Be it in Europe, League or mid-week cup ties Goodison Park under floodlights usually creates a different atmosphere. Loud, intense, full on deafening, a full house. I can remember coming home from such memorable nights at Goodison like when we beat Chelsea 2-1 a few seasons back, THAT game against Fiorentina, even if it was heart breaking, The Big Dunc Man Utd win or the “Dan Gosling” derby, leaving the ground with a ringing in my ear and tingles down my spine. In recent times, however, that all seems to have gone. Granted we’re not in Europe anymore (and are not likely to be for a while) and alot of people seem to jibb off the Carling Cup because it’s been given that Mickey Mouse appeal for some reason. For me it’s silverware and it’s still something Everton should aim for. I don’t want to sound like I’m moaning or giving anyone grief here because I’m not but only just over 23,000 attended Goodison tonight in a cup tie against CHELSEA. That’s almost half empty. I’m not sure if it’s because of the price of tickets (£24 for a Carling Cup tie I agree is extortionate) or the general air of negativity and unawareness of what’s going on behind the scenes at Everton but, I dunno, I just really miss that midweek excitement and I do hope we have seen the last of it.

£24 for a Carling Cup Ticket...ridiculous

As for the game itself I would definitely go as far as saying it was a game of 2 halves (well 4 in this occasion). First half saw a weaker Chelsea side missing most big star names, come at Everton over and over again and Everton not able to take the game to Chelsea. Everton conceded a penalty early in the first half which was sent wide by Nicolas “Eggheaded tit” Anelka much to the Evertonian’s delight. However, Chelsea opened the scoring on 37 after what I can only describe as one of the worst butter finger goalkeeper moments I have witnessed by Jan Mucha. A light cross/shot by Kalou was caught by Mucha only to slip through his hand and into the net. I’m not going to go on a tirade about Mucha cos in all fairness to him he made a few decent saves in the game but for me, and I’ve always said this, he is not good enough as a first choice keeper and even with Tim Howard out the squad for the night I would have chosen Marcus Hanneman over him any day, but that’s just my opinion.

Second half came along and I decided to move seats next to my two old regular mates who I used to have a season ticket next to due to the fact I was sitting in front of 3 complete and utter titheads who were annoying throughout the first half. The half started with Phil Neville being replaced by Tony Hibbert and Everton went straight into it and generally looked great. All the midfielders (except Bilyaletdinov who, YET AGAIN, had another howler) seemed to work well together specially Fellaini and Rodwell even Drenthe I thought played well and was helping to create space by making Chelsea players go at him and taking them out of position. For me though his big problem was he gets too greedy and tries the impossible and tries to take everyone on rather than putting on simple lay offs and that is something he has to get out of his system as he’s not in La Liga anymore. Needless to say we looked the much better team.

A glimmer of hope came midway through the 2nd half when Everton were awarded a penalty and Chelsea saw Keeper Turnbull red carded for bringing Saha down in the box. Needless to say Everton missed the penalty. Baines’ kicked saved well by Chelsea replacement keeper Cech. It just looked like that equaliser wasn’t going to happen. The game changed however when Seamus Coleman came on to replace Billy (who for me was shite again) and straight away was getting in great runs and good crosses that looked dangerous. Eventually, Seamus provided a lovely cross into Louis Saha or banged in the equaliser in the 82nd minute. Chelsea down to 10 men, 1-1, 10 minutes to go, game on. Everton went into all out attack bringing on Denis Stracqualursi who could have won the game had it not been for a rubbish header despite being completely open. In all honesty as well, I don’t rate this Denis lad, he hasn’t impressed me yet.

So 1-1 at the end of the 90. Extra time saw a pretty 50/50 first half with both teams trying to go at each other despite everyone being knackered, however it all crumbled for Everton when Drenthe was sent off for a 2nd bookable offense and it became all Chelsea. It was only inevitable that Chelsea were gonna try and set up camp in our half and put the game to bed, fate was sealed with 5 minutes to go in the 2nd half of injury time after Mucha pushed away a shot from Ivanovich only for Sturridge to hit it home and kill Everton off.

All in all a disappointing night for us Blues, a game that should of and could have been killed in regular time, in the end dragged out too long and wore the players down. As for the atmosphere in Goodison, well you only have to read my rant from earlier, moments of loud singing and general hope we could win but nothing to write home about. At least our fans didn’t do “The Bounce” like Chelsea’s complete and utter HELMET supporters did. Seriously, so bored of these bounce and Poznan-esque celebrations. They’re not clever they’re not cool, they’re just fucking stupid, but then again what do you expect from a club with a fan base that’s been supporting them through their 7 year history.

So that’s it, Carling Cup campaign over for another season, a piece of silverware that won’t be coming to Everton, typical. Like most Everton fans tonight I have a slight feeling of deflation and disappointment, but that’s Everton for you, have to take the crap with the good I suppose oh well there’s always the FA Cup, right? Right? Meh…Who am I kidding?

FACTS

My man of the Match: Fellaini (another excellent performance)

Attendance: 27,103

Squad: Mucha, Distin, Neville (Hibbert), Baines, Heitinga, Drenthe, Rodwell (Stracqualursi), Bilyaletdinov (Coleman), Cahill, Saha

Unused subs: Hanneman, Vellios, Osman, Barkley

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Filed under 2011/12, Cup Football, Everton